people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the day after is always just damage control
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
