He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
