Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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