Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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