I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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