your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
