Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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