College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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