I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
