I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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