just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
