Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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