I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
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we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick