the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy