Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
nutella sex= disaster
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
