also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize