I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
