I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
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He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
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Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
please don't ironically join a cult
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