You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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