I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I need water and some morals
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
