Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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