so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize