I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
