eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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