um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
