those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
