Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
