Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
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So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
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Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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