I'm jealous of your bromance
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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