oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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