remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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