i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
