Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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