The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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