You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
