Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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