She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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