When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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