after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
