love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's never too late to be topless.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize