Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
