I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
