That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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