Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
