the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
