I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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