she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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