life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
