I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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