my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
