It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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