I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
