Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
