a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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