Whats the glycemic index on semen?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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