Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
