I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
