M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
