You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
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She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
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Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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