no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
