The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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