I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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