He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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