Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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